Monday, September 9, 2013

Hello again everyone!!

Well....I warmed you...writing every week is a challenge for me.  LOL  If it isnt my own procrastination, its my handsome little guy waking up or fussing as soon as I grab the computer.  Oy vey!!  #newmommyproblems

I suppose I'll learn how to juggle it all sooner or later.  Plus....since I'm back to work full time now I cant justify doing my own stuff when that precious boy wants my attention.  I just want to soak up every second when I'm with him.  Have I mentioned how cute he is??  LOL

So....As of today I have been back to work for 2 full weeks.  And as you can see I survived.  But I wont lie.  This has really been the hardest thing I've had to do so far in my life.  And I get that I am so unbelievably blessed to have this struggle.  I get that.  God do I realize it.  In the past 2 months I have been bombarded with gut wrenching, heart breaking, life shattering stories about how some mothers dont get this opportunity.  That their precious life that once lived inside them was taken away too soon.  And when reading these stories....i cry my heart out and feel a tiny fraction of their pain. 

 But this is something I had to deal my life.  And it hurts.  Every single day so far it hurts.  We all get up and get ready for our day....and then the par t I hate.....saying goodbye to him.... its like knocking the wind out of me.  I hate it.  Once I get to work then I am busy and my mind keeps running.  But in mere seconds his giggly face returns and my heart aches to be next to him.  

 I wake up to the sound of my little guy either fussing or stretching or whining cuz he's hungry and I love it.  I LOVE being a mom.   I thank God for that little whine.  He is a beautiful child and I have no clue what I did in my life that God looked down and said....ok little one.....there she is.....that one is gonna be your mommy.    My dream was always to be a mommy.

So I thank everyone for all their prayers and advice.  I know I would have been way worse off without all of you and your words.   God is definitely holding my hand along this transition in life.  I can actually feel Him.  But it does still hurt.  And in those times.....I cling to my savior and just cry out to him.  Only he knows my pain.  

For all my friends who arent moms yet, I apologize that my blog is a little off kilter and not what you're used to.  I'm sure once I get over this hump you will love me again.  LOL  

I dont share my struggles to scare anyone or to be a victim and get attention.  I share my struggles because....well...why hide?  Maybe someone else is out there feeling this way and can relate.  I dont pretend to have it all or have it all together.  So I want you all to see the real me and know......I'm being real.  

September is upon us and why in the world is it almost 100 degrees out?!?

WHY?!?!?  That is just pure blasphemy!!   Autumn is my favorite season and I am too excited to feel that crisp nip in the air that causes me to grab a hoodie and take a looong walk.  Except that this time....I get to dress my baby up in his warm clothes and bring him along!!   Grabbing a pumpkin coffee....going to orchards...making fall crafts.........or just basking in the colors that God painted himself.  I CANNOT WAIT!!  

But until the weather resembles fall.............I cannot embrace it fully!!

Tomorrow it will be 2 months since I gave I guess that means time for me to get back into my healthy lifestyle.   My motivation is slow like molasses.  I want to get back into it and be healthy and lose weight....but I want to be excited about it.  I hate not looking forward to working out.  But on the flip side.  I am only 6 lbs more than I was before I was prego with my little guy. So I dont have a huge difference I'm working with.  Just need to buckle down!!

Any who............thats about it for now.  I hope I havent lost your interests yet!! 

Stay tuned as  I continue on this journey as a new mommy, a great wife, and reignite my healthy lifestyle.