Thursday, August 15, 2013

Shut My Mouth

Happy Friday Everyone!!
I hope you are all enjoying the tidbits of Summer that are left as this season begins to dwindle away.   Summer vacations are becoming memories........children & teachers are heading back to school......and a lot of you stay at home moms are eagerly anticipating a quiet home once again.  I know most people hate to see Summer go.......but I'm alright with it.  Don't get me wrong I love Summer nights and the sense of freedom Summer brings.........but Fall is just more my style.  But I'll get into that once the weather crisps up and some leaves are on the ground......oh.....and when I have a pumpkin spice latte in my hand.  

So I have 1 week left with my little guy before I head back to work.  As most of you know I am dreading this very much.  I have cried my ugliest tears in the past few weeks and sobbed to my merciful Savior to help me overcome all these feelings.  With His grace and healing hands have I been able to get through it so far.  I have been doing my best to not think about it everyday and just spend time with my baby boy and the gorgeous too.  Cherishing every smile and laugh.  Holding that sweet crying child as I prepare to feed him.  Laugh as he smiles when I wash his little chunky butt.  LOL  

It has gotten a bit easier to cope with it all............especially since........................................


Not only did God bless us with an answered prayer that we desperately needed.  But he blessed us with someone with experience who we can trust and someone with a heart for children.  Now instead of having to drop him off to strangers........I have an old friend from high school who is willing to come to our home and watch him.  Someone who loves babies and actually worked her other job's schedule around us.  Someone who cut us a HUGE deal finances wise.  My fear of him getting sick all the time with all the kids at daycare are gone....or the fear that he would have been in the crib alone all day.....or the billion other things racing in my mind.    Its amazing how God uses certain people to answer our prayers.  

At times where we think there is no answer and no upside for us.....God is taking care of it. I picture him sitting I cry like a crabby child at his feet......and he is just letting me pour out all my frustrations and things I think I deserve.........and when I'm done whining........he picks up my chin....and calmly says.......I GOT THIS.  I am already working it out for you.  I'll let you know when I'm done.  Just relax and give it to me.  Give it to me and leave it there.

I don't know about you.........but I tend to make things worse in my head/heart than they really are.  Mountains out of mole hills...........please.........I make hurricanes out of rain drops.   I make my problems so big that I cant see God already standing on the other side with an outcome.   

That's half the reason I named by blog today: SHUT MY MOUTH.  God continues to humble me every time I hit some problem that seems magnanimous and shows me his Grace.  I have a very dear friend and prayer warrior email me with some verses last week when I was having the hardest time and crying all day thinking about going back to work.  The few verses that stuck out to me were ones I had read before.......but this time.......certain words are now forever engraved in my heart and head.  

Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jeremiah 17:7
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 

Joshua 1:9
 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Confidence, trust, courageous............and the fact He will not only be wherever I go........but wants to be there.  I never thought about going to the lord with confidence.........I thought that would make me seem greedy or prideful.  But as I reread this verses......I can stand firm and know that's how God expects his children to come to him...........confident.........not in ourselves or our prayers.......but confident in our God, our Savior, our Father, our friend!  Knowing who He is and what He can and will do.  That will make me shut my  mouth quickly!!!

The other half of the reason I named by blog as such...................sigh.........I can barely type this without crying.  Due to the amazing world of social media...I am bombarded with pictures and stories of sick or dying people or pets or just horrible stories.  Now I have always been an emotional person....way before baby boy was even a glimmer in my eye........but now that I am a mommy........its gotten more severe.  There are some stories I can bypass and then some that literally knock the breath out of me.  And then I think about them for days...........and I dwell on it.  Probably not in a healthy way.  I come across a pretty popular page and I begin to read this mothers blog. Her 133 day old baby boy is fighting for his life and she is praising our God through it all.  She cant hold him today because of how bad he is doing today and seems to know his days are coming to an end.  And I lose it.  I hold my baby and cry and cry and think how trivial all my problems are.  ALL OF THEM.  Work, finances, relationship drama, bills, car problems........EVERYTHING.  My son was an easy pregnancy, easy delivery, and healthy and growing.  WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?!?  I read her words tonight and just said "Shut your mouth Corrie"  While my issues are things that are the end of it all............this is nothing compared to what his mom and dad and this precious baby fighting for his life are going through.  Heck his mom wouldn't even blink an eye at my "problems"  So while I pray for this little guy and I ask that you join me.............I ask God...why am I feeling this so deeply.  Its not just because I'm a mom now.  There is something during my whole life........where I feel things for other people and it literally sits with me for days/weeks/months and i dwell on it.  Why is that?  Is this something God instilled in me for His purpose that has yet to be revealed?  I hope so. 

We took another family walk this week.  I dunno if my back will ever recover after being pregnant.  When we got home my back and knees hurt so bad.  Its kind of discouraging since I used to walk at least 1 hour a day.......pretty fast........and if on the treadmill...i did intervals of the highest incline.  Now I can barely walk a slow pace with the stroller.  Getting back into my healthy lifestyle is going to be harder than I thought.  

Well I rambled on again pretty long this week and I'm sure I lost some of you. Oh well......I'm a chatter. 

Tune in next week to see how my first day back to work went and join me
 as I continue on this journey as a new mommy, a great wife, and reignite my healthy lifestyle. 

****If you are interested in reading about the baby and his parents you can go to Prayers for Corbin page on Facebook at  
I do warn you........its very heart wrenching.

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